Can We Just Love and Respect Each Other?

I generally try to keep my blog pretty light-hearted, because my blog is my happy place. But I guess I just have a few things I need to say. Not really to anybody necessarily, just out loud, er on "paper".. And I am not going to share what brought on this little vent because, it's not my story to tell. And it's not the only reason, maybe just the straw that broke the camels back.

noh8campaign.com

(I chose Meghan McCain's picture because I thought it helped to show that it's not a political issue, it's a civil rights issue. And it's something, Republican, Democrat, etc., No H8 is something we can all get behind)

You may or may not know this, but I grew up moving between Arizona and Utah my entire life. And most of the beliefs I was around growing up were that being gay is a choice, and marriage should be between and man and woman. And I am here to tell you, I don't feel that way, and I never have. Being gay is not a phase, it's not something you'll grow out of, and it's not a learned behavior. I'm sorry, but I honestly can't believe in the year 2012, people still think it's a choice and something that can be taught. I am also 100% for gay marriage, love is love. I really do think gay couples should have the same rights as everyone else does, people are people, and it really saddens me that some people believe they should somehow be on a lower level. We all deserve equal rights. I do know that a lot of people against gay marriage, aren't against gays and their rights, they just want marriage to stay between a man and woman, I understand that I really do.

But in a time where bullying and teenage suicides are at an all time high, I think it's important to point out, no matter what your beliefs, you shouldn't make someone feel ashamed to be who they are. You shouldn't turn your back or torment someone because they are gay. I just have a really hard time with people who are upset with someone for being gay, it really breaks my heart. We're all people you guys, and no matter what our beliefs are we need to treat each other with respect. 

"We must learn to live together as brothers, 

or perish together as fools" 

- Martin Luther King Jr.

NO H8... Just love :) 

I Believe In...

I believe in sunshine.  

I believe in purple.   

I believe in the power of joy hidden in dandelions. 

         

I believe in marriage. 

I believe in equality.

I believe in everything happening for a reason.

I believe in sweat pants and running shorts.

I believe in LOVE.

I believe in protecting our oceans.

I believe in saving our dolphins, whales, and sharks.

I believe in Sea Shepherd.

I believe in Captain Paul Watson. 

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I believe in hugs.

I believe in my future children.

I believe in doing the right thing.

I believe in bringing yourself up, without tearing others down. 

I believe in trying to stay positive.

Most of all, 

I believe in our future.

And finding joy in our journey.

I love you, Husband. 

Together, the world is ours.

Maintaining Friendships Post Marriage

bags packed//note I found in my suitcase//my cute nephew

I'm home!

     I got back yesterday and boy, I am so happy to be home! I have tons of laundry to get done, and a to do list a mile long... but I'll get on that later ;) It was a pretty fun trip. I got to see my Step Dad's parents, and Shari (Steve's wife), which is always so great! I also got to see a couple friends, including my friend, we'll call him L. L and I go all the way back to seventh grade! When I moved back to Utah, he was one of the first friends I made at my new school. We've definitely had some ups and downs over the year, but we've always been really close. I moved back to Arizona my senior year, but almost every time I've been to Utah since then, I've hung out with him. And when The Husband makes the trip with me, we all hang out. 

     A couple months after we got married, I had to make a solo trip to Utah. So, of course, L came over. This time though, there was some family there too, let's just say we got some weird looks. You should probably know that my Step Dad's mom, will usually just say whatever comes to mind. And I love that about her. So when she came to say bye, she says "Does Tanner know he's here?". She said this jokingly of course, but in the way that she still wants the answer. Obviously, the Husband did know he was there. But I totally understand the curiosity and the looks. I mean, I am a married girl, with 95% of close friends, being guys. Which, really doesn't make things less complicated, because I think we live in a society where this is kind of frowned upon in a way. But I've never believed that being in a relationship or marriage means you have to give up on your friendships with the opposite sex.

    I don't think there should be "rules" when maintaining friendships, but there are a few boundaries that I like to keep in mind. For instance, I never tried to hide these friendships from The Husband, even when we first started dating. I always told him the stories behind the friendships, and it was always an open discussion. Now, I'm not saying that the Husband doesn't have issues with this sometimes, but if you have nothing to hide, you shouldn't be hiding it. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable. Another line that should be drawn, don't run to those friends every time you fight with your significant other. This really should be said for girl and guy friends. I get that we all need to vent sometimes, but there are really just some things you need to keep inside your relationship, or it can create bigger issues. 

    I really believe that in any relationship, the most important thing is honest, open, communication. If either party is uncomfortable in any situation, you have to work together to find a solution both people can be happy with. Whether it be friendships, or even something as simple as where to go for dinner. There are two people in a relationship, it should never be all about one person. 

The Husband and I have a great relationship, but that doesn't mean it's always easy. People and relationships grow, our needs are always changing, but I really do believe as long as you keep it honest with each other, you have a great shot at making it a forever. and a day. kind of marriage :) 

Do you find it difficult to maintain friendships while in a relationship? 

What are some boundaries that you have with those friendships?

Where's The Respect?

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A couple weeks ago my Dad and I went to lunch at In N Out, and as pretty typically, it was packed. We were getting our order to go, but while we waited I did what I normally do: People watch. And as I saw an elderly couple wait for a table, I watched a couple, who couldn't have been much older than me, just jump at a table that became free and sit down. 
Now maybe you don't find anything wrong with this, but I did. And it really made me think about people my age and our lack of respect for those around us sometimes. As young able bodied people, I don't believe in taking seats from the elderly, or a mom alone with her children. It is so much easier for the Husband and I to go sit in our car and eat if a place is crowded, than a couple in their 70s or a mom with her kids. I don't believe generations before us would take too kindly to taking seats from people who need them more than we do. But now, I'm afraid this is becoming the norm. Before I would give up my seat, after seeing that however, I decided to take it a step further to make sure I'm doing the right thing. 
Today, I got my chance. At, coincidently, In N Out. As Dad and I were finishing up eating, I noticed a group of 4 elderly folks scanning for a table, so I got up and told them we were finished and they could have our table if they'd like. Now maybe some people might think its bratty to "pick" who I gave the table to, I however like to think I was doing a good thing. 
The heat in Arizona is hard on all of us, especially for those over 70, and there's no way I was going to play a part in making them go outside. So I did something about it. And I will continue to. Maybe I care too much, maybe it isn't worth it, and maybe some don't appreciate it. But the thanks I got from the lady I talked to today, made it well worth the tiny bit of effort. 

My Last Name Decision

When the Husband and I got married, I kept my last name. Before we even got engaged, I made it pretty clear I wasn't changing my last name. It took him some time to come around to it, but once my mind is made up about something, it usually doesn't change. 

I've read a few articles/blog posts about women who did the same thing.
Most were very long, and all about feminism. About how the tradition of taking a man's last name comes from men treating women like property, and men wanted people know they "owned" that woman.
I understand where those people are coming from, kind of. Maybe that's how it was back then, but I'd like to think that we've moved forward as a society since then. I don't think we should make other women feel like they're conforming to old forms of sexism when they take their husband's last name. I don't think a woman should feel bad for taking that last name.  There's nothing wrong with taking the love of your life's name. There's also nothing wrong with not doing that. To me "feminism" is about choices, it's about being able to choose what's best for you.  And I chose to keep my last name. For much simpler reasons.
I wanted my last name. When I decided to keep my last name, the last name was ending with me. Now, however, I do have an adorable nephew :) But like I said, once my mind is made up, it's made up. I'm not really a traditional person, I mean my wedding ring stone is amethyst, not a diamond. I like my last name, and it really is a part of who I am, so I kept it. With that said however, I do not get offended when someone addresses me as Mrs. Ross, not at all. Some of the posts I've read complain about it, it doesn't bother me.  Because really, I am Mrs. Ross, and Mr. Ross is my husband. Even if legally, my last name is still, my last name. Socially, I hyphenate my name, but I'm really easy going with whatever people call me. I like to pick my battles in life, and this isn't one that's worth it to me. I feel like to keep or not to keep the last name has turned into a big debate with some people, and I don't think it should be. I think every woman should do what she wants, and love their decision. To each their own right? 

A Few Thoughts...

"I want my first marriage to be my only marriage"

If you follow me on Pinterest, I'm sure you've noticed I have an addiction. It's usually it's pretty lighthearted, but I came across that quote yesterday, And honestly, it kind of irritated me.

Now, I'm sure I'm over thinking it, but it really struck a chord with me. 

I know there are a few people, who get married, knowing it's not right for them.

But I think most people who are getting married, aren't thinking about getting divorced down the road. 

Don't get me wrong, I am a firm believer in trying to work your marriage out.

And I do feel like now days, people are too quick to get a divorce because it's easier. 

With that being said, however, I don't think it's fair or right to look down on someone who got a divorce, or is getting remarried. I actually admire people who are strong enough to realize that by staying together,

they are doing more harm than good. It takes courage and strength and admit you aren't happy.

I can't even imagine how much that turns some one's world upside down. 

My parents divorced when I was really young. A lot of children want their parents back together, but I really never have. My parents don't go together. At all. 

So to those going through this, or will go through this, don't be ashamed for wanting more out of life.

Don't be ashamed for realizing what's best for you and moving on. And don't ever let anybody make you feel like you made a mistake, or that it makes your life any less meaningful. Only you know what really went on behind closed doors,and only you know what's best for you and your life. 

To anybody going through a hard breakup, separation, or divorce, I admire you. I really do. I am sending hugs your way. And things will get better!